Search My Heart
“Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties; And see if there is any wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting”
Psalm 139:23-24, NKJV
Every day is a similar pattern. Wake up after multiple bouts of alarm silencing, get some coffee, get the kids up, start getting ready for work, make sure the hubby is up, and off you all go. Five days in a row, off you go. Your life may have variations, but for the most part there is some type of routine that occurs in your house daily.
What happens when the routine is broken?
Not by a sudden tragedy or somebody getting sick, but by something else. You get up exhausted from the activities the day before, you can’t get your mind ready for today. Your body is out of energy but your mind won’t stop. It’s racing with all the “To-Do’s” but makes you feel stagnant. You aren’t thinking clearly, only fragments of thoughts that jump from “did I send that email?” to “what am I doing with my life?” You start questioning everything, which eventually leads to questioning yourself.
Starting down the road of lies, you tell yourself you need to be better.
You aren’t thin enough, pretty enough, smart enough, good enough, strong enough, kind enough and just not “enough.” The mirror becomes your enemy. You try to maintain the routine for everyone but just can’t get a grasp on things the way you want, or think you should. That little bit of doubt in yourself is a seed. The seed gets nourishment from every lie you believe. You want to be good for yourself and your family, but anxiety and insecurity takes over.
Before you go down a road full of worry, driven by claims that you aren’t worth anything, remember that you are not alone.
The Lord knows your heart, He searches it and finds the greatest parts of you deep inside where even you forgot they were. You can always speak to Him, spend time with Him, and cry to Him. Submitting to the fact you don’t have all the answers is really difficult. That is usually the core foundation of endless worry because you have questions and want answers. You’ll never know everything you wish to seek, but God knows your heart and knows the purpose He sees in you.
The more you stop worrying and start submitting by giving it to Him, the more you will be aligned with His view of you, not your own.
He sees you in a greater light than you could ever see yourself. Each day give Him your fear, don’t try to tackle it yourself. He knows how to unravel things in your life in a way to benefit you and your purpose according to Him. His grace is sufficient for you. Jesus has died for you out of the love He has for you. Love that you deserve to feel, and know exists right in your heart.
Let Him search your heart, you will be surprised with the treasure that’s in it.
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