Welcome to the I Witness Podcast. I’m your host, Kelly Jo Wilson, and this is the show for women who struggle to accept their worth but want to embrace their gifts and share their witness for Jesus.
Are you fighting the never-good-enough battle?
Do you want to embrace your unique gifts to share Jesus’s love with the world?
The goal of this podcast is to encourage and show you ways to witness for Jesus in your character daily. We embrace stories of difficult situations that test faith and discuss the hard challenges of being a woman in this world just trying to follow him. I’m so happy that you’re here for this very first episode.
This is our pilot episode for the I Witness Podcast. I am just so grateful for you to join us today.
This has been a long time coming. God has really been speaking to my heart about setting up this platform for people to share their stories and encourage each other.
Kelly’s Witness
A little background about me, my name is Kelly Jo Wilson. I’m a mom of two wonderful boys, a wife to an amazing husband, a nurse with a master’s degree in nursing education, and a writer. I have been called to pursue this path, and God just plucked me right out of my nursing profession.
I’ve always loved being around people, talking with them, and serving them in any way I can. I really love being a nurse. I miss caring for patients, but when God calls you out of where you are, you have to listen, or he’ll put pressure on you and make you listen.
I’m just trying to follow that call and want to share my quick story with you.
I would like to witness today about some things that I’ve struggled with, and maybe you can relate. When I was young, I always fought body image issues. I was a happy kid, well-liked and well-loved, with lots of friends and a wonderful family.
But I always struggled.
I grew up in an Italian family, you know, where gatherings were always centered around food, which was delicious. When I was younger and then into my early teen years, I was a little on the softer side.
My body was bigger, different, and never-good-enough
I was a teenage girl going through all those changes that we go through, and I just didn’t like what I saw in the mirror. When I went to school one day, I decided not to eat my lunch that day. Then one day turned into a week and a week turned into a month, and before I knew it, the struggle was into a full-blown eating disorder.
I didn’t even know it at the time. I didn’t mean to hurt anybody, it was a very concrete kind of thinking that if I wanted to be thinner and prettier, I had to stop eating. It was very simple. My mom took me to a few doctors, and she was a nervous wreck.
Once I realized that it was an issue and it was more than what I really wanted or thought it was, I had to realize that this was a real problem.
I remember talking to one of the doctors and he asked me to describe my normal thinking every day about myself, about food, and what I would do, essentially.
He asked me what started everything and he said how many times a day are you weighing yourself? I told him that I wasn’t, I didn’t weigh myself at all. It was only going on how I looked. I remember him writing that down, so in my teenage mind, I thought that was significant. I thought I should focus on getting better.
A secret battle with unrealistic expectations
I really struggled internally. Anybody with any mental health issues like that, an eating disorder, or any other mental illness, it’s really a secretive disease. It’s a really kind of keeping it to yourself, don’t wanna hurt anybody, don’t wanna bother anybody.
You just want to handle everything on your own. At least, that’s how I felt. So, that kind of thinking really plagued me for most of my life, leading into my young adulthood and even early adult days.
It really fueled that, you’re never good enough, I was never thin enough, never pretty enough. It fueled the unrealistic expectation that I could just never meet. I don’t even know why or how that expectation got set, and it was really difficult.
It led to me making very poor, horrible choices throughout my life. And to not really care about my body, going into this never-enough mindset, and trying to people please all through my adulthood. It really was a struggle internally for a long time.
On the outside, I had a lot of friends, and not many people know or knew. This is the first that I’m really sharing it in the open. When I got older and God brought me to a place of realization, I recognized that food and image weren’t the issues.
It was about control, and that control issue was something I was chasing but I could never get. It wasn’t until Jesus really spoke to me one day and said “You’ve got to stop,” that I made a really drastic change in my life when I heard His words.
I knew exactly what He meant. He meant that I had to stop this never-good-enough, never thin-enough, just always tearing myself down. It was into such a spiral that with every single mistake I made, I spiraled more and more down this web of shame and guilt.
And I knew him, I accepted him into my life when I was very young and always felt his presence and the presence of the Holy Spirit.
But, the more I felt shame and guilt, the more I knew I was unworthy of Him. I didn’t even feel worthy to speak His name. So, I really did not embrace what He teaches us, to rely on Him and come to Him when we are weary and weak. I just didn’t even feel good enough to even talk to Him.
Once He spoke to my heart, I knew that it was time to reevaluate what I was doing in my life. I had a season when I was completely broken down to my core. I had to surrender everything to him. It was a very life-changing moment.
Once I did that, I finally realized that it was never about me being worthy enough to accept Him, be loved by Him, or be good enough to talk to Him.
It was always because He is worthy that I am accepted through God’s grace. And once I realized that’s when I could fully embrace His presence and what He wanted to change inside my heart.
Life was still hard, but He changed me
After that, I had a number of challenges that I’ve gone through in my life, my adult life. It’s not like it completely disappears. Once you finally listen, sometimes you even face challenges that are a little harder.
But all through those challenges, instead of the craving for control, I was able to surrender the control and give it to Him. I really stepped back and let Him work.
I still struggle sometimes to take up my cross and follow Him and give Him that control. It’s, it’s always been my struggle. It probably will always be, but He is with me in the fight.
Reason for this podcast
So, that’s one of the reasons why I started this podcast is that, as women especially, we really struggle. We play all these different roles and we have all these roles in our lives. We are juggling all these balls in the air. It’s really hard to give up control when we have so many things, and we’re just that glue for our families and for all the people in our lives.
We’re trying to live this life for Him. But we especially struggle with guilt, shame, past mistakes, and never-good-enough thinking. I wanted to have this platform for other women and people struggling with that or have struggled in different situations to speak.
To share how their faith was changed and their relationship with God and Jesus changed when they faced those hard times. He brings us through to the other side to see things we would never have seen if we kept going down a certain path.
I initially had the idea for this podcast years ago called I Witness. Just us witnessing, literally writing down and sharing a big notebook across the world, and just kind of a naive. . simple idea.
But, loving technology nowadays, this is a wonderful place to share and get that message out. To share the encouragement of how Jesus works in our lives and how he brings us through really difficult times into a peace that we never would’ve known.
Podcast Overview
I am going to share a couple of details just to give you an overview of what to expect in future episodes and what the podcast can provide for you. One of the reasons to listen to the show is for encouragement and an opportunity to have community with other women struggling with things similar to what you’re struggling with.
I really hope to provide some tools, tips, and different resources for us to embrace that daily walk with Jesus and embrace those times that are really hard
If you are a mom, wife, single woman, or a Christian woman just struggling to see yourself as a capable, beautiful, worthy daughter in Jesus. If you fight that never-good-enough battle in your mind and wonder what unique gifts you can share in witnessing for him every day are, then this podcast is for you.
I hope this will encourage you and empower you to live your purpose for Him, that He’s calling you to live.
Future episodes will be some solo episodes. A devotional style, sharing devotional stories, resources for you, and recommendations that can help, depending on what topic we’re talking about for that day.
It’s also an interview-style podcast that will have people on with really compelling stories of faith in hard situations to show us how God works in our lives and to share that encouragement with one another.
How to subscribe to the podcast
If you want to subscribe to the podcast, you can open your smartphone. It will have a podcast app built in, whether it’s through Google, Apple, Android, or you can use Spotify or any other different kind of podcast app.
You can click in your podcast app and search for I Witness. If you click the button to subscribe right in the app, that would be fantastic.
I just wanted to give you a quick overview and share my story. I appreciate you so much for listening today. Just hit that subscribe button in your podcast app so you can be notified of new episodes.
I hope that you have a wonderful day, and thank you so much for listening.
If you or anyone you love struggles with an eating disorder, please click here for support through the National Eating Disorder Association (NEDA). “Eating disorders have the second highest mortality rate of all mental health disorders, surpassed only by opioid addiction.”- NEDA
You want to help people. But you’re not sure how to move forward.
It’s hard to focus on what you want to do because you need to function for everyone in your life.
But you don’t want to bury your talent. Instead, you want to embrace what God wants you to be. He gave you a unique gift.
Once you spend more time with Jesus, He ignites a spark in you.
He works in your heart to conform to His way. He is the way, the truth, and the life (John 14:6).
But you sin. We all do.
So why does He need us to help Him?
He doesn’t. He needs us to help each other.
Then He said to them, “The harvest truly is great, but the laborers are few; therefore pray the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into His harvest.” Luke 10:2, NKJV
Jesus chooses people to teach and spread the word of God. He wants His chosen to go forward in love to different cities. But, just like a ripe harvest, there is no gain unless the laborers gather the crop. So it’s a balancing act between timing and conditions.
If the crop is picked too early, the farmer has to pay more for handling it. But, on the other hand, it could mean losing more plants if it’s too late.
Signs indicate when the crop needs to be picked, but the farmer must have a keen eye.
Once picked, preparation is meticulous. Specific stages of the harvest process are essential and take time.
Jesus tells us the harvest is great, but we must be like the farmer and read the signs. People need encouragement, mercy, and love.
And we all need Jesus.
If someone is going through the hardest time in their life and we shove a Bible in their face and tell them it will make everything better, they probably aren’t ready for that yet.
But in the same situation, if we offer comfort or encouragement through our gifts from the Holy Spirit, we have a better impact.
God made every one of us a unique reflection of His glory.
You help people with your gift.
You have a perspective that no one else does in this world. Your life experience helps you connect with people in a particular way, walking with them through trials you’ve been through yourself.
But when you believe in Jesus, and the Holy Spirit comes into your life, you are blessed with a spiritual gift that tends to the harvest.
Some people are the leaders, guiding people through organization and planning. Others are the comforters, loving people in every moment.
Helping people is an important part of your calling because He wants you to share it, regardless of your gift.
Where God calls your heart, that’s where He needs you.
So spend time with Him, even a few minutes in the morning before your coffee.
The more you pray and spend time with God, the easier it’ll be to see His purpose.
You can make a difference right now. Don’t burn yourself out trying to live up to the world’s expectations.
It’s not always apparent when God chooses to prune things from your life.
Sometimes He needs to teach you something in ways you don’t expect until you’ve overcome the struggle. Other times He needs to remove something so you can grow stronger in your faith.
A few years ago, I wanted a garden. So, we took a family trip to Home Depot and bought loads of flowers. Before we were about to checkout, I saw grapevines on sale, so I bought them.
I thought it would be fun to grow my own grapes, farmhouse-ish style.
I had no idea what I was doing.
The instructions said to give lots of water, till the soil, and prune the branches. I thought I could be munching some grapes toward the end of Summer. But I had to wait 3 years!
Nevertheless, each year I watered, tilled, pruned, and waited. The waiting part was the hardest. Especially when the grapes looked so tasty.
The time finally came to enjoy the fruit, and you know what?
We sold our house that year!
I didn’t even get the chance to eat them because God had a different plan for us.
We’d searched for a new home for years, and He blessed us the year the grapes were ready. I did all that work for someone else to enjoy.
Isn’t that a typical example of how God works in His own timing?
We might pray for something and be faithful, but God blesses us in His time and His way.
Those grapes would’ve tasted terrible if I had eaten them too early. But I stayed with it, faithfully pruning.
The same way we prune grapevines, God is pruning us.
Sometimes, He prunes us for a long time before we can even appreciate His blessings.
The pruning isn’t easy. In fact, we may not realize the struggle we’re going through is actually a good thing coming from God and not the world.
“I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress; My God, in him. I will trust.”
David declares how God has protected him, especially in difficult times. But he starts by first putting his trust in God.
Trust is something we struggle with. I know I certainly do. But it’s a necessary first step to embrace God, especially during times of pruning. Pruning is uncomfortable, and we must lean on Him through the changes.
But, we try to figure things out for ourselves and doubt our worth, so we don’t believe He’s talking to us in our life. His voice is overcome by the noise of our own guilt or shame.
It takes a LOT of submissions to fully accept His path.
Sometimes we unintentionally get in His way.
But it usually takes complete surrender for us to be open to what He’s doing.
God is pruning you to help your spiritual growth.
Here are 4 ways to reflect on how God is pruning you
1. Are you under pressure right now?
For example, is it a difficult time at work? Are you burning out at home? Usually, there’s pressure on you that tests your faith. But pressure helps you to see your strengths and weaknesses.
Most importantly, it guides you to look to God for help. Being faithful during stressful times has big rewards. It’s the pressure that brings out the character in you.
2. What temptations do you struggle with?
That doesn’t mean just the most obvious big ones, such as adultery or addictions. Instead, look into the more subtle temptations like toxic thinking about yourself, selfishness, anger, and idolatry. Look at what you are tempted to do, say, or think. Look at the situations you’re put into. Is God trying to show you something? Are you running away from Him or toward Him?
3. Who are your helpers?
Look for people in your life that are there for you during difficult times. Reflect on your relationship with them. Is it one-sided? God will bring people to you that can provide assistance through a hard time.
However, He can also show you the true colors of people you thought were reliable. They could be those you least expect. You will know the good ones by their fruits … if they consistently give you love, kindness, and longsuffering, they are probably genuine.
On the other hand, if they want you to be something else rather than accept you for who you are, God may be trying to remove them from your life.
When I first learned that I had cancer, the people I thought would be in my corner were surprisingly absent. But God also blessed me with many genuine people I didn’t expect would be my best supporters.
4. What conflict are you going through right now?
What obstacles are you trying to overcome? Something is occurring that you don’t want to change. But change may be what God needs from you. So take a step back and look at both sides of the conflict. What part lines up with God’s character?
I recommend studying the story of Joseph in the Bible (Genesis 37). Joseph was blessed with visions God gave him, but that gift almost cost him his life. His brothers were so jealous of him they threw him in a pit only for him to be taken into slavery. Ultimately, everything God allowed to happen to Joseph ended in blessing, not only to him and his family but the entire nation of Israel.
I hope these tips help you endure this time.
God’s pruning is uncomfortable for us but necessary for what He needs. Change is never easy when we can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. But God’s path is always the best one. So keep praying and spending time with Him to hear His voice in your life.
You are a strong, capable individual that can do anything with God’s help.
Please comment with one way you’ve been blessed by God’s pruning in your life. I’d love to hear your story.
No one could love me … I feel empty … I’m not good enough … I don’t have the strength to love … I can’t be rejected again ….
Have you said any of these to yourself?
I know I have.
You don’t feel like you can accept love from Jesus because you’re not worthy of it. Or maybe you’re trying really hard but don’t feel it’s good enough.
The first thing you need to know is this …
You can’t do anything to change the love Jesus has for you.
That’s where it all starts.
Because He loves you, He chose to die for you. It’s all because of God’s grace.
You don’t have to earn it, just accept it.
Accept love …. Seems like a simple task, but because we are prisoners to our own thoughts, it’s nearly impossible sometimes.
After all, is there any critic harsher on yourself than you?
It’s so easy to blame ourselves for things, and it involuntarily gives us some kind of control over it. But tearing ourselves down because of things we’ve done, or have been done to us, only prevents us from accepting what Jesus wants to give.
If there’s a pain in your past, you are likely still fighting with it. No matter what it is, you had to deal with something that broke you at some point in your life.
Maybe you’ve never healed from it. Or you’ve recovered, but the healed areas are weak and feel like new cracks opening up any time there’s pressure.
The more pressure, the more the pain. Whether you feel that force from the outside world, or the inside world of your own thoughts, it’s pushing you farther from allowing love in your life.
“But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” Romans 5:8
Love is a gift.
It’s something given to us by God through Jesus Christ. But it’s hard to accept love when you don’t feel worthy or just too broken to fix.
Maybe you don’t think He could love someone like you.
If you feel that way, please know … His love is not conditional.
It exists whether you accept it or not.
He loves you and has shown you the highest form of that love by giving His own life for yours.
“And we have known and believed the love that God has for us. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him” (1 John 4:16).
Even if you don’t think you’re worthy, once you believe in Jesus and confess He is the Son of God, He abides in you.
He accepts you and stands with you. It has nothing to do with you deserving it.
It’s a tough thing to grasp because we work our entire lives to be accepted.
We work so hard to please people. We don’t want to be rejected because even bad company can feel better than loneliness.
When we don’t feel worthy of the love Jesus gives, it bleeds into other areas of our lives. As a result, we tend to push others away, even unknowingly.
If Jesus already loves us no matter what, then what do we have to do?
We believe that Jesus is the Son of God who gave His life for ours, died on the cross, and was resurrected. Therefore, we accept Him into our life as our Lord and Savior.
If you struggle to put your faith in Jesus, you’re not alone.
Unfortunately, most of us have a hard time, especially when we are in a difficult place in our lives.
I’ve accepted Jesus as my Savior but still falter in many ways. It’s not a destination. It’s a journey.
I know the cunning ways of my own mind and the lies I’ve believed for many years about myself. There is never peace from what I tell myself.
But it’s different with Jesus. Believing His words takes a leap of faith … and something changes when I choose to trust Him.
But the way He reaches me isn’t the same as you because every person is different. You have a unique relationship with Jesus that’s completely yours.
He will reach you in ways you need, no one else.
But I encourage you to let go.
Let go of the burden of lies. Just for one day, talk to yourself as if you’re talking to your best friend or sister.
If she came to you saying she can’t accept love because she’s not good enough for Jesus, what would you tell her?
Jesus wants you to know that His yoke is easy and His burden is light (Mat 11:30).
We are surrounded by a world that doesn’t know Him. Every day within that world, seeing terrible things can test our faith.
I encourage you to listen to God’s word, not even your own. He will tell you the truth about yourself and the love He’s given you as a gift of grace.
Jesus knows what it’s like facing a world of rejection, hate, and pain.
But God is faithful, and Jesus has overcome the world (John 16:33).
His love gives you purpose, strength, and courage. You are worth it.
Do you have days that you feel like your cup is empty but you keep having to pour more out? You always give pieces of yourself to everyone else, but you’re burning out.
You care so much about everyone else, but what about you?
Days are repetitive. Dishes upon dishes, errands galore, and little if any “me” time. You are most likely the glue holding everything together.
But what if you are burning out?
You’re starting to come unglued, which means everything else is too.
Some days do you question why?
Why do you pick your kids clothes off the floor after you told them a thousand times about putting them in the hamper?
Why do you answer the phone at 3am knowing it’s your brother asking for money again?
Why stay at a dead-end job instead of following your passion?
I’m going to take a wild guess and say the root of your why is love.
You love your crazy kiddos and would do anything for them, even if it means repeating yourself until your hair starts falling out.
And your brother, he struggles with many things, but you love him anyway.
Your job may not be glamorous, but it puts food on the table for your family.
Love is the most powerful driving force in our lives. Love guides you, but burned out you isn’t going to give the way you truly want.
When is it enough? Who refills your cup when it’s empty?
When you believe that Jesus is the Son of God, His love is in you.
He is the source of the love you share with other people. It’s a gift from Him, and His Spirit is within you.
God’s love is inside you, and it’s the fountain of life. Its flow is endless and will provide whatever amount you need.
Jesus says, “But whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst. But the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life.” John 4:14, NKJV.
Think about that for a minute.
Your cup is empty, and you have no strength to refill it. But here comes Jesus, and He has a fountain of endless water for you.
Let Him search your heart. You are a special person, created in God’s image.
Quiet time with Him is more effective than any other task you perform in your everyday life.
I don’t mean to sound dismissive of the many priorities in your life that are extremely important. The point is, that you are the central force within those priorities. You’ll burn out if your heart isn’t filled with the fruits of the Holy Spirit.
You and Him tackle life together, and you need each other. He needs you to spend time with Him so you can fulfill His purpose for your life.
You need Him to guide you and refill the love in your heart. The moment you get alone with Him, you know you’re in the right place. You feel your spirit finally satisfied.
Once your cup is filled with that love, you are a blessing to others… and God.
“No one has seen God at any time. If we love one another, God abides in us, and His love has been perfected in us. By this we know that we abide in Him, and He in us, because He has given us His Spirit” 1 John 4: 12-13, NKJV
He perfects love in you.
It doesn’t grow weary or lose its impact. On the contrary, it only gets stronger the more you give.
There’s no guilt or shame with Jesus, only encouragement and support.
When you feel like you have to keep juggling or else everything will fall, that’s when He’ll want you to put down the balls. So give it to Him and watch what happens.
Five ways to let Jesus refill your cup when you’re burned out:
1. Stop
Take a moment to breathe and stop your mind from racing about all the things you have to do in one day. You’re always on the go. Time to stop getting burned out. Take 10 minutes before work or wake up earlier than usual to sit in silence in your room. Even just 10 minutes with God will prepare you for the entire day. It opens the valve to let the fountain flow.
2. Ask for help
You do many things only you can do, but not absolutely everything. For example, maybe your kids can’t go to your job for you, but they surely can clean their own room or run the vacuum. Ask a friend to help with dinner. Do whatever you can to delegate some of your responsibilities to give you time to get on track. There’s no shame in asking for help. Remember, the purpose is to have your cup of love refilled. The more time you spend doing every little thing, the less time you have for the most important ways you serve those around you.
3. Get alone
Even if you have to hide in a closet to get some alone time with God, do it! Whatever you have to do to get alone with Him so you can open your heart, it’s the best intervention. The first time may be hard and uncomfortable, but you will want even more once you see how freeing it is.
4. Let it out
You might think, ok, now I made the time, now what do I say? Say everything! Whatever is in your heart. Talk to Him about dinner or even the frustration you feel because you’re so tired. The point is to let it out to your Savior. He can take any part of your life, whether broken or burned out, and help you find the purpose in it.
5. Repeat
Everything we just talked about … do it again. Keep it going daily or even weekly, and you will see a change in your life and in your relationship with God and Jesus. Time spent with Them is never wasted.
God bless you.
Please comment with one thing burning you out and how you plan to give it to Jesus.
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