In this episode of the I Witness Podcast, we uncover the inspiring story of Stephanie Flohr, an unlikely servant of God who, amidst profound grief, found herself in a dark place, even planning the date she would take her life. Through unwavering courage and a renewed trust in God, listen to how she discovered her true worth and purpose.
Stephanie Flohr is an unlikely missionary, but she follows God’s call anyway. On May 4, 2020, her husband unexpectedly passed away, and her desires, dreams, and goals went along with him.
Stephanie has traveled to a dark place, planning her own time to meet Jesus in heaven, but God had other plans. Through her unique ministry of encouragement and compassion, she spreads the transformative message of Jesus’ love, offering hope to those who need it most.
Stephanie is determined to share her uplifting story of faith, resilience, and obedience to help others come to know their beautiful worth in Jesus.
“I can’t spend a lot of time dwelling on what I am leaving behind, the tears start to flow and the heart hurts. Yes, I will miss so many people. But I know beyond any doubt where the Lord is leading me, allowing me to go and He has a plan and purpose for my life.”
-Stephanie Flohr
Bible Verses for Encouragement
Psalms 147:3, NKJV: “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
Are you inspired by Stephanie Flohr’sstory but not sure how to reconnect with God in a difficult time?
I have a resource to help you walk with God in your own unique way.
The Stillness Prayer Journal is a printable prayer journal with over 100 customizable pages all dedicated to simplifying your walk with God.
The journal has cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) techniques combined with Bible verses and Christian-based encouragement to guide your time with Him in a simple, thoughtful way.
Stillness Prayer Journal Includes:
A one-page daily journal for simple goal-setting and reflection
Welcome to the I Witness Podcast. I’m your host, Kelly Jo Wilson, and this is the show for women who struggle to accept their worth but want to embrace their gifts and share their witness for Jesus.
Are you fighting the never-good-enough battle?
Do you want to embrace your unique gifts to share Jesus’s love with the world?
The goal of this podcast is to encourage and show you ways to witness for Jesus in your character daily. We embrace stories of difficult situations that test faith and discuss the hard challenges of being a woman in this world just trying to follow him. I’m so happy that you’re here for this very first episode.
This is our pilot episode for the I Witness Podcast. I am just so grateful for you to join us today.
This has been a long time coming. God has really been speaking to my heart about setting up this platform for people to share their stories and encourage each other.
Kelly’s Witness
A little background about me, my name is Kelly Jo Wilson. I’m a mom of two wonderful boys, a wife to an amazing husband, a nurse with a master’s degree in nursing education, and a writer. I have been called to pursue this path, and God just plucked me right out of my nursing profession.
I’ve always loved being around people, talking with them, and serving them in any way I can. I really love being a nurse. I miss caring for patients, but when God calls you out of where you are, you have to listen, or he’ll put pressure on you and make you listen.
I’m just trying to follow that call and want to share my quick story with you.
I would like to witness today about some things that I’ve struggled with, and maybe you can relate. When I was young, I always fought body image issues. I was a happy kid, well-liked and well-loved, with lots of friends and a wonderful family.
But I always struggled.
I grew up in an Italian family, you know, where gatherings were always centered around food, which was delicious. When I was younger and then into my early teen years, I was a little on the softer side.
My body was bigger, different, and never-good-enough
I was a teenage girl going through all those changes that we go through, and I just didn’t like what I saw in the mirror. When I went to school one day, I decided not to eat my lunch that day. Then one day turned into a week and a week turned into a month, and before I knew it, the struggle was into a full-blown eating disorder.
I didn’t even know it at the time. I didn’t mean to hurt anybody, it was a very concrete kind of thinking that if I wanted to be thinner and prettier, I had to stop eating. It was very simple. My mom took me to a few doctors, and she was a nervous wreck.
Once I realized that it was an issue and it was more than what I really wanted or thought it was, I had to realize that this was a real problem.
I remember talking to one of the doctors and he asked me to describe my normal thinking every day about myself, about food, and what I would do, essentially.
He asked me what started everything and he said how many times a day are you weighing yourself? I told him that I wasn’t, I didn’t weigh myself at all. It was only going on how I looked. I remember him writing that down, so in my teenage mind, I thought that was significant. I thought I should focus on getting better.
A secret battle with unrealistic expectations
I really struggled internally. Anybody with any mental health issues like that, an eating disorder, or any other mental illness, it’s really a secretive disease. It’s a really kind of keeping it to yourself, don’t wanna hurt anybody, don’t wanna bother anybody.
You just want to handle everything on your own. At least, that’s how I felt. So, that kind of thinking really plagued me for most of my life, leading into my young adulthood and even early adult days.
It really fueled that, you’re never good enough, I was never thin enough, never pretty enough. It fueled the unrealistic expectation that I could just never meet. I don’t even know why or how that expectation got set, and it was really difficult.
It led to me making very poor, horrible choices throughout my life. And to not really care about my body, going into this never-enough mindset, and trying to people please all through my adulthood. It really was a struggle internally for a long time.
On the outside, I had a lot of friends, and not many people know or knew. This is the first that I’m really sharing it in the open. When I got older and God brought me to a place of realization, I recognized that food and image weren’t the issues.
It was about control, and that control issue was something I was chasing but I could never get. It wasn’t until Jesus really spoke to me one day and said “You’ve got to stop,” that I made a really drastic change in my life when I heard His words.
I knew exactly what He meant. He meant that I had to stop this never-good-enough, never thin-enough, just always tearing myself down. It was into such a spiral that with every single mistake I made, I spiraled more and more down this web of shame and guilt.
And I knew him, I accepted him into my life when I was very young and always felt his presence and the presence of the Holy Spirit.
But, the more I felt shame and guilt, the more I knew I was unworthy of Him. I didn’t even feel worthy to speak His name. So, I really did not embrace what He teaches us, to rely on Him and come to Him when we are weary and weak. I just didn’t even feel good enough to even talk to Him.
Once He spoke to my heart, I knew that it was time to reevaluate what I was doing in my life. I had a season when I was completely broken down to my core. I had to surrender everything to him. It was a very life-changing moment.
Once I did that, I finally realized that it was never about me being worthy enough to accept Him, be loved by Him, or be good enough to talk to Him.
It was always because He is worthy that I am accepted through God’s grace. And once I realized that’s when I could fully embrace His presence and what He wanted to change inside my heart.
Life was still hard, but He changed me
After that, I had a number of challenges that I’ve gone through in my life, my adult life. It’s not like it completely disappears. Once you finally listen, sometimes you even face challenges that are a little harder.
But all through those challenges, instead of the craving for control, I was able to surrender the control and give it to Him. I really stepped back and let Him work.
I still struggle sometimes to take up my cross and follow Him and give Him that control. It’s, it’s always been my struggle. It probably will always be, but He is with me in the fight.
Reason for this podcast
So, that’s one of the reasons why I started this podcast is that, as women especially, we really struggle. We play all these different roles and we have all these roles in our lives. We are juggling all these balls in the air. It’s really hard to give up control when we have so many things, and we’re just that glue for our families and for all the people in our lives.
We’re trying to live this life for Him. But we especially struggle with guilt, shame, past mistakes, and never-good-enough thinking. I wanted to have this platform for other women and people struggling with that or have struggled in different situations to speak.
To share how their faith was changed and their relationship with God and Jesus changed when they faced those hard times. He brings us through to the other side to see things we would never have seen if we kept going down a certain path.
I initially had the idea for this podcast years ago called I Witness. Just us witnessing, literally writing down and sharing a big notebook across the world, and just kind of a naive. . simple idea.
But, loving technology nowadays, this is a wonderful place to share and get that message out. To share the encouragement of how Jesus works in our lives and how he brings us through really difficult times into a peace that we never would’ve known.
Podcast Overview
I am going to share a couple of details just to give you an overview of what to expect in future episodes and what the podcast can provide for you. One of the reasons to listen to the show is for encouragement and an opportunity to have community with other women struggling with things similar to what you’re struggling with.
I really hope to provide some tools, tips, and different resources for us to embrace that daily walk with Jesus and embrace those times that are really hard
If you are a mom, wife, single woman, or a Christian woman just struggling to see yourself as a capable, beautiful, worthy daughter in Jesus. If you fight that never-good-enough battle in your mind and wonder what unique gifts you can share in witnessing for him every day are, then this podcast is for you.
I hope this will encourage you and empower you to live your purpose for Him, that He’s calling you to live.
Future episodes will be some solo episodes. A devotional style, sharing devotional stories, resources for you, and recommendations that can help, depending on what topic we’re talking about for that day.
It’s also an interview-style podcast that will have people on with really compelling stories of faith in hard situations to show us how God works in our lives and to share that encouragement with one another.
How to subscribe to the podcast
If you want to subscribe to the podcast, you can open your smartphone. It will have a podcast app built in, whether it’s through Google, Apple, Android, or you can use Spotify or any other different kind of podcast app.
You can click in your podcast app and search for I Witness. If you click the button to subscribe right in the app, that would be fantastic.
I just wanted to give you a quick overview and share my story. I appreciate you so much for listening today. Just hit that subscribe button in your podcast app so you can be notified of new episodes.
I hope that you have a wonderful day, and thank you so much for listening.
If you or anyone you love struggles with an eating disorder, please click here for support through the National Eating Disorder Association (NEDA). “Eating disorders have the second highest mortality rate of all mental health disorders, surpassed only by opioid addiction.”- NEDA
Sometimes your heart simply needs to be held up. Or maybe you need a little push to be courageous.
As a nurse, I’ve witnessed people go through things they never thought could happen to them.
One moment they’re spending time with family, the next moment, they are in a hospital bed fighting for their life.
When there is so much uncertainty in the world, it’s hard to know what to hang onto.
If you’re going through a difficult time right now, I want you to know that you’re not alone.
You will get through this time in your life, especially when you reach for God to help you. Your loved ones can give you numerous ways of support, which is a blessing in itself.
But sometimes, you need something really personal to connect with to strengthen you when you’re alone with your own thoughts.
Maybe you’re fighting a disease or struggling with crippling anxiety.
Perhaps you’re broken in ways you don’t share with anyone.
It pulls you toward God and helps you to rely on Him. It’s the truth that reels you back when you’re lost in the emotions that life stirs up.
I’ve gone through it too, and there’s a verse that’s connected with me despite my struggles. It’s so ingrained in my heart that I probably couldn’t forget it if I tried.
That verse alone secures me. It reminds me in times of utter fear, it’s ok to trust God.
When I first started working as a nurse, I was so afraid of making a mistake.
I didn’t want to do the wrong thing because, frankly, people’s lives depended on it.
I didn’t know how to overcome the sense of overwhelming worry before setting foot in that hospital.
So I prayed.
For some reason, that verse would pop right into my heart.
“All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness. That the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.” 2 Timothy 3: 16-17
What verse do you carry with you?
If you don’t have one you can think of it’s ok, but it will help you in your life. I know it seems impossible to remember verses and chapters like pastors do, but you don’t have to do that.
Just one is a good start. Remember, you also have a Helper in the Holy Spirit.
Lusts of the world will attack every part of you in every way possible.
Lies, hate, and all the grime in between are what we face in a world that only loves itself.
When you’re thrust into turbulent waters, you struggle to stay afloat. You’re thrashed with powerful waves that seize and try to take you away.
Scripture is your anchor to keep you rooted in God.
It’s so easy to get lost in the massive waves filled with confusion, but just one verse will keep you focused on what He tells you. It won’t leave you.
So how do you choose a verse?
I’m confident that once you open the Bible and start reading, there is something that will connect with your spirit. God knows your heart and what you need to hear. When you come across a verse that speaks to you, it’s like He guided you right where you needed to go.
He’s kind of amazing like that.
I can’t tell you what will ignite your spirit, but I can surely encourage you to seek Him and spend time in His Word. You will not be disappointed. God’s word will pull you toward Himself.
His scripture will anchor you no matter what you are going through.
If you have a verse that has guided you in your life, please share it in the comments. I’d love to hear your story about it!
Feeling broken makes you uncomfortably vulnerable. But it could transform your entire life. As difficult as it is to accept, you are blessed in the brokenness you feel.
Is there something in your life that you can’t seem to get past?
It’s a thorn in your side that continually prods you. Maybe you’re mourning the death of someone you love, which paralyzes your heart from moving forward. Perhaps your struggle is internal, and you continually become your own worst enemy.
You go through a barrage of coping from anger to anguish. You are set on autopilot and pace through your everyday duties, but your heart is hollow. Your passion is gone, and you don’t know your purpose. You believe in God, but question His belief in you. You can’t feel His strength. Faith becomes hidden behind your fear that it will never change.
In life, something will always break you. That something will not honor your timing but operate on its own. The hardest part about your brokenness is accepting it as an opportunity, and trusting God through it.
Do you feel most in need of God when things are going right … or wrong?
If you’re like me, you are on your face praying when things have gone so wrong all you can do is weep. I thank God every day for His blessings in my life. There was a time when I wasn’t so sure of God. I didn’t feel worthy of Jesus because of my terrible mistakes. But, I remember the moments I’ve been crushed even more because they sparked a change that may have never occurred otherwise.
Get alone with Him
Even if you question God’s motives, and are so mad at Him it’s hard to breathe, tell Him. Get alone with Him. When it’s just you and Him, there’s no hiding, no running, no lying … just facing Him and the truth. Confront the raw truth of how you feel about your life. At that moment, you are humbled in a way you don’t expect. Your faith emerges behind the fear you’ve been living with, by merely asking Him why. God knows when you exercise your faith, and most of the time it’s not Him that needs to see it, it’s yourself.
I came across a passage when listening to a Bible study and couldn’t pass it up. God has that exciting way of taking you somewhere you didn’t expect, but needed to experience. The journey led me to a woman in the bible named Hannah. You may know the story but I didn’t, and I want to share it with you. It’s in 1 Samuel chapter 1, NKJV.
The Shattered Woman
Hannah was the wife of a man named Elkanah. He had another wife named Peninnah as well. (I don’t really know how to pronounce them either, so no worries). Peninnah had children with Elkanah, but Hannah couldn’t have children. Every year Elkanah made an offering to the Lord according to the Jewish faith. This offering involved animal sacrifice. When he would give portions of his offering for his family, he would always double Hannah’s amount. He was madly in love with her.
Being that Penninah was also Elkanah’s wife, she was in constant competition with Hannah. Not only did she share in the life of her husband, but she was also able to give him children. Peninnah provoked Hannah, trying to hurt her emotionally 1 Sam 1:6, NKJV. She was a constant threat to her, harassing her year after year. Peninnah was most likely jealous of Hannah because of the love Elkanah had for her. His offering for Hannah was always more than for Penninah. He loved her and blessed her, even in her brokenness.
Hannah felt hopeless
Year after year, she endured the aggravation from Peninnah. The rivalry between them really affected her. Despite her situation, Elkanah loved her, and it didn’t matter to him that she couldn’t have children. But it mattered to Hannah. She wouldn’t eat, but only wept 1 Sam 1:7. Hannah became bitter out of the overwhelming grief she experienced.
Have you ever felt that way?
Tightness in your chest, clenching your jaw, and putting on a fake smile. You feel forced to isolate and unable to move past the negativity. You don’t trust anyone. You’ve been so involved in the cycle of your own despair that you can’t see the way out. Frustration soon turns to apathy.
Bitterness is like a chisel to your spirit. It slowly breaks away the love in your heart until there’s nothing left. Your spirit becomes broken. It’s in desperate need of repair, but there is only One who can truly make you like new.
Hannah’s brokenness brought her to the point of no return.
She finally had enough. She decided to go to the altar during the yearly sacrifice and cry out to God. While there, she wept profusely to Him. She spoke to Him with her heart, not her voice. She prayed so hard the priest Eli thought she was drunk! Her lips moved but no words came out.
“O Lord of hosts, if You will indeed look on the affliction of Your maidservant and remember me, and not forget Your maidservant, but will give Your maidservant a male child, then I will give him to the Lord all the days of his life, and no razor shall come upon his head” 1 Sam 1:11. Hannah called to her Lord. She was pleading with Him to hear her and not forget her. Desperation turned to devotion to God.
She let it go
Hannah “poured out her soul” to Him 1 Sam 1:15. Once she placed all her grief on the Lord, she left it behind. She left her grief at that altar. Her faith in God overpowered any doubt from the life she was in the habit of living. Her spirit connected with Him through her suffering. She surrendered her sorrow to Him and never looked back. She finally ate again and felt restored! Many were blessed from her brokenness.
What changed in Hannah?
Her faith overpowered her fear
God honored her faith. She conceived a son and named him Samuel. When he was weaned from her but still a young boy, she fulfilled her promise to God. Hannah wanted him to live a life with God. She hoped for him to be blessed and covered by God’s grace. They traveled to the altar where she made the promise to God. After all her despair, she still followed through on her promise to devote Samuel to a life with God.
God kept His promise, and so did she
“As long as he lives he shall be lent to the Lord” 1 Sam 1:28 Hannah promised. The faith in her heart prevailed over the misery of her situation. God blessed her, and she praised Him by offering Samuel to Him.
God protected Samuel, and he continued to live a holy life as one of God’s chosen. He ministered and judged all of Israel with righteousness. God blessed Hannah and Samuel very much. It all started with Hannah deciding to take up her cross, step out in faith, and give her sorrow to God. She was given a great blessing, but she may not have seen it without her brokenness.
In this world, we always have a choice. We live with the result of our choices, whether they are good or bad. Sometimes you have sorrows that push your faith into a dark place in your heart. You get used to it being there and start trusting things in the world. You may not notice your faith sinking deeper, especially if you aren’t turning to God with your needs. But without a relationship with Him, you become lukewarm in your faith.
Lukewarm is a dangerous territory
When you’re lukewarm, you’re not invigorated by God. You’re not broken by the world, you’re right in the middle. You go through the motions, but you’re neither cold or hot. You may go to church, but just because it’s part of your routine. There’s no craving for God. You keep trying to handle your life on your own without Him. “So then because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will vomit you out of My mouth” Rev 3:16 .
God wants you to be filled with the Holy Spirit and make an effort for Him. When you feel you don’t need Him, you are on the road to destruction. The worst part is, you may not even notice. This happens more with people who are doing well in their life, believe it or not.
You are blessed in your brokenness
When you come to the point of sheer exhaustion from doing things your own way, your eyes start to see the truth. You face a choice between yourself and God. On your knees, blinded by your own tears, you face a moment of transformation. You are completely vulnerable, which breaks even the most prideful heart. That moment is when you have the opportunity to let God help you. You are not lukewarm, but instead burning with desire for Him because you realize you can’t do it on your own.
He will make a purpose where you didn’t know one existed
Hannah was barren, and she longed for a son. If she wasn’t utterly crushed in her spirit, she might not have prayed so hard to God. Her overwhelming desire for Him shattered her grief. She chose to give it to God instead of carrying her burden any longer. When God answered her prayer and gave her a son, it demonstrated the purpose of her anguish.
Let it go
I hope you feel encouraged to choose as Hannah did. Whatever is breaking your spirit right now, you do not have to handle it alone. Jesus is standing at your door and knocking. You can give it to Him. Let it go. He has a great purpose for your life. In every moment, both joy and despair, there is a purpose. Trials produce patience and help you grow in your spirit. The more you rely on Him, the more you will trust. You won’t go wrong in your faith when you take a chance on Him. You’re blessed in your brokenness because it brings you to a point of surrender. Call on God
What holds you back?
It’s hard to trust, especially when you’ve been burned. You’ve been hurt and you don’t trust anyone. Especially when you take a chance on someone only to find they’ve hurt you just like the others. God isn’t like that. He already chose you because He loves you. His intent is to help you, not hurt you. You can be confident He hears you when you call out to Him.
Here are a few reasons to help you confide in God:
1. Trusting Him is different
“It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man” Psalms 118:8, God says to trust in Him. He isn’t like the people who’ve hurt you. He loves you and already accepted you through His Son Jesus. You only need to believe.
2. He hears you
“The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears, And delivers them out of all their troubles” Psalms 34:17,. You know that He is listening to your cry. When you are alone in your room and reaching out for Him, He hears you. If you don’t get the answer you expect, that doesn’t mean He isn’t listening. We are slaves of instant gratification. We always want things right now. God doesn’t work according to our will, we work according to His, in His time. He hears you, so keep reaching out in faith. He will help you.
3. You can ask Him for help
“Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us.” 1 John 5:14. When you are in a broken state it’s cathartic to let it out. Cry, yell, scream … do whatever you have to do to let it go and give it to God. He hears you and wants to help you. Ask Him for what you need. Maybe you don’t know what you truly need, and that’s ok. Ask Him to help you follow His will and submit. You may be surprised at what happens.
4. He will get you through it
“I sought the Lord, and He heard me, And delivered me from all my fears” Psalms 34:4, NKJV. Faith is not just believing He hears you, but that He can do something about your situation. The more you grow in your faith by trusting Him each day, you will start to see with your heart. You will notice how He helps you in ways that prove only possible by God. Putting your faith in Him frees you of the burden of fear. The fear of rejection, failure, and pain no longer hovers over you because in Jesus you are completely accepted and loved.
Being afraid of things you can’t control in the world don’t plague you once you give it to Him. Truly letting go and watching Him work is a glorious experience. You heal in ways you don’t expect. He knows your heart because you are His child. You will never go wrong turning to God for help.
I hope you trust in God in whatever is troubling you. I pray you hear His voice and find peace. You can be confident in Him. He loves you and accepts you for who you are through His Son Jesus Christ.
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